Parenting and Gender
Take Home Points
- Important Points to Recall
- Boys and girls are more similar than different
- The most difference is found within genders (there are more differences between different types of girls or different types of boys than there are between boys and girls)
- Girls are not more emotional than boys
- There are no differences in talkativeness, activity at birth, or self-esteem
- Brain Differences
- Boys' brains are bigger, but girls' brains are more wrinkled and have more gray matter
- Brain development is finished about 2 years earlier in girls than boys
- There's a small cluster in the hypothalamus of girls that could be linked to menstruation
- For Parents to Consider
- TALK, TALK, TALK to both boys and girls
- Encourage physical activity in girls and boys both
- Read every night
- Use a second language as a parent
- Snuggle and wrestle
- Play sports
- Get puzzles, mazes, blocks, dolls
- Avoid guns and violent games
- Gender Stereotypes
- Lead to:
- Rigid ideas of gender roles
- More likely to believe that "all girls" or "all boys" do something
- Very little attention to individual differences
- Exaggerating about group differences and within group similarities
- Do parents stereotype?
- Yes, from birth
- Reducing Stereotypes
- Avoid buying only gender specific colors of clothing or toys
- Talk to sons as much as to daughters, especially about emotions
- Read books about love to boys and things with wheels to girls
- Both boys and girls should have dolls, nurturing is for everyone
- Buy gender neutral toys for toddlers
- Avoid gendered language
- Be vigilant for what children are learning about gender at school or church
- Count with your daughters
- Have joint birthday parties
- Challenge your children's gender stereotypes
- Challenge gender stereotypes in the media
- Don't let gender dictate the classes your teens take or their majors in college
- Empower them to notice and combat gender stereotypes
- Boys and girls are more similar than different
- The most difference is found within genders (there are more differences between different types of girls or different types of boys than there are between boys and girls)
- Girls are not more emotional than boys
- There are no differences in talkativeness, activity at birth, or self-esteem
- Boys' brains are bigger, but girls' brains are more wrinkled and have more gray matter
- Brain development is finished about 2 years earlier in girls than boys
- There's a small cluster in the hypothalamus of girls that could be linked to menstruation
- TALK, TALK, TALK to both boys and girls
- Encourage physical activity in girls and boys both
- Read every night
- Use a second language as a parent
- Snuggle and wrestle
- Play sports
- Get puzzles, mazes, blocks, dolls
- Avoid guns and violent games
- Lead to:
- Rigid ideas of gender roles
- More likely to believe that "all girls" or "all boys" do something
- Very little attention to individual differences
- Exaggerating about group differences and within group similarities
- Do parents stereotype?
- Yes, from birth
- Reducing Stereotypes
- Avoid buying only gender specific colors of clothing or toys
- Talk to sons as much as to daughters, especially about emotions
- Read books about love to boys and things with wheels to girls
- Both boys and girls should have dolls, nurturing is for everyone
- Buy gender neutral toys for toddlers
- Avoid gendered language
- Be vigilant for what children are learning about gender at school or church
- Count with your daughters
- Have joint birthday parties
- Challenge your children's gender stereotypes
- Challenge gender stereotypes in the media
- Don't let gender dictate the classes your teens take or their majors in college
- Empower them to notice and combat gender stereotypes
Concerns
- Normative gender socializing will affect my child's gender identity
- Normative gender socialization does not impact a child's gender identity, sex, or sexual orientation
- Just as the Savior was androgynous in His gender traits it is important that we teach our children to have androgynous gender traits in order to be most like Him
- If my boys show "girly" traits they will be made fun of
- Boys have a culture of cruelty - boys that are different are the ones that are getting picked on
- Solutions
- All the same we need to be teaching boys to be more emotionally literate in order to connect better with everyone around them
- Pre-arming - help boys understand that they might run into discrimination or bullying for acting a little different and help them understand what they can do in order to withstand that
- Create a good relationship with your child in order to allow open communication if your child does run into some kind of discrimination for their behavior and help them understand that that doesn't change their worth
- (Kindlon, D. P. D. (1999). Raising Cain. New York: Ballantine Books.)
- How do I help my girls in conflict?
- Girls have four ways of dealing with conflict: 3 are unhealthy
- Bulldozer - they do not consider the feelings or ideas of others and make everything about them - "my way or the highway"
- Doormat - they allow the ideas and thoughts of others to override their own and do not stand up for themselves
- Doormat with spikes - in the face of conflict they allow themselves to be walked all over, but behind the back of the person with whom they have conflict they spread rumors or talk badly about them
- (Damour, L. (2019). Under Pressure: confronting the epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls. S.l.: Ballantine Books.)
References: Unless otherwise indicated all information and research for this page came from an in-class lecture by L. Walker and the book Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue.
(Brown, C. S. (2014). Parenting beyond pink and blue. Ten Speed Press.)
(L. Walker, Parenting and Gender lecture, SFL 240, Fall 2019)
- Normative gender socialization does not impact a child's gender identity, sex, or sexual orientation
- Just as the Savior was androgynous in His gender traits it is important that we teach our children to have androgynous gender traits in order to be most like Him
- Boys have a culture of cruelty - boys that are different are the ones that are getting picked on
- Solutions
- All the same we need to be teaching boys to be more emotionally literate in order to connect better with everyone around them
- Pre-arming - help boys understand that they might run into discrimination or bullying for acting a little different and help them understand what they can do in order to withstand that
- Create a good relationship with your child in order to allow open communication if your child does run into some kind of discrimination for their behavior and help them understand that that doesn't change their worth
- (Kindlon, D. P. D. (1999). Raising Cain. New York: Ballantine Books.)
- Girls have four ways of dealing with conflict: 3 are unhealthy
- Bulldozer - they do not consider the feelings or ideas of others and make everything about them - "my way or the highway"
- Doormat - they allow the ideas and thoughts of others to override their own and do not stand up for themselves
- Doormat with spikes - in the face of conflict they allow themselves to be walked all over, but behind the back of the person with whom they have conflict they spread rumors or talk badly about them
- (Damour, L. (2019). Under Pressure: confronting the epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls. S.l.: Ballantine Books.)
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