Parenting and Emerging Adults
Take Home Points
- Emerging Adulthood
- Quality of parent-child relationship seems to be key
- College students are generally more successful at finishing when parents assist financially
- Parenting styles are not the same during emerging adulthood
- Parents are confused and they don't know how to parent children when they're in emerging adulthood - different types of parenting emerge at this point because they don't really know what to do to parent their children
- Children with parents who paid for everything were engaging in risk behavior
- Children with parents who paid for nothing felt the most like adults but struggled
- Children do the best when parents can pay for somethings and they pay for the rest
- Types of Parental Expectations for College
- The Career-Building Experience (17%)
- College is when economic life opportunities are forged and specialized skills are achieved with the end goal of economic success
- The Social Experience (24%)
- College is an enjoyable social experience and youth should be allowed this fun and freedom before the onslaught of adult responsibility
- A time to hone traits that will help women marry well
- The Mobility Experience (14%)
- Higher education improves the living conditions of future generations
- Emphasis placed on women's need to be self-sufficient
- The Adult Experience (14%)
- College is the start of adulthood
- Not everyone has the luxury of offering support during this time period
- The Hybrid Experience (29%)
- College is both for upward mobility and personal development, and is a place where autonomy and independence are fostered through learning from mistakes
- Types of Parents
- Professional Helicopters
- Help their children in all financial and social connections that expect some kind of return from their children
- Fathers are not very welcomed in the parenting - primarily mothers who are parenting this way
- Making decisions for their kids based on whether those things would lead to a career
- Goals were for daughters to develop the skills, credentials, and knowledge to lead to career success and economic security
- Discouraged daughters from downgrading career ambitions for a romantic partner
- Mostly working mothers
- Identified children's strengths and set them up to succeed
- Recognized the value of extra curricular activities, but aware of risks of party scene
- Paid for a majority of college expenses, but support was contingent on academic performance. Discouraged working college
- Outcomes -
- Solid academic performance, rigorous majors, low drop-out, smooth transition to career, little reliance on spouse in future, no debt
- Parents felt happy but were committed to long-term financial help, youth remained somewhat dependent on parents
- Pink Helicopters
- Focused a lot on socializing - college is a social experience - join a sorority and have that type of experience
- Hoped to facilitate the best years of their daughters' lives, invested in social activities, consumption, and sorority status to increase the likelihood of marriage to a wealthy man
- Mostly mothers who were homemakers
- Made doctor/dentist appts, gave wake-up calls, did laundry
- Relatively unconcerned with how children were doing in the classroom, unless it was a serious issue
- Paid for a majority of college expenses, had a hard time setting limits on spending
- Promoted long-term dependency on parents, both economically, and psychologically
- Outcomes -
- Low grades, weaker majors, lack of motivation/ambition, parental assistance needed for job hunting, long-term financial support after college necessary
- Parents felt drained emotionally and financially, and inexplicably felt surprised by the fact that their daughters didn't do well
- Paramedics
- Stuck around on the side until there was an emergency
- Fathers and mothers were parenting equally
- Scaffolding
- Helped pay for some of college and children worked to help support themselves
- Emphasized independence under low risk conditions, a trial run at adulthood with a safety net
- Proactively sowed the seeds for career and marital trajectories before college
- Involved children in finding solutions to problems
- All daughters had summer jobs and part-time jobs during the school year - not necessarily because parents couldn't help
- Intervene when children can't handle problems on their own
- Paramedic fathers were more involved than helicopter father
- Outcomes -
- Solid academic performance, rigorous majors, bold career moves, independence across a wide array of areas, reduced financial burden to parents
- Parents were happy but there was a higher risk for drop-out and debt was accrued by daughters. Bold career moves didn't always pay off.
- Supportive Bystanders
- Child's biggest fan, but they didn't always have the knowhow or finances to be able to help their child
- Didn't have a lot to give but everything that they had they gave to their children
- Most bystanders were their daughter's biggest fans and made emotional and financial investments when they could
- Windfall child-rearing - not knowing when they would have money again, parents may provide bursts of funds for unnecessary extras
- Assume that the university would help provide for financial needs
- Emphasize economic stability
- Avoided financial struggles for child, had emotional support, more likely to finish school than total bystander
- Outcomes -
- Lack academic and social guidance, more likely to change majors, low grades, immersion in party scene, increased time to graduate
- Parents were disappointed that the school system didn't help their child
- Total Bystander
- Children didn't feel like they could ask for help from their parents
- Relationship was not healthy at all between children and parents in this group
- The parents weren't involved at all in the lives of their children when they were at college
- A lot of the children were working in order to support themselves and also to support their families
- Daughter is seen as self-sufficient
- Parents are emotionally detached and provide no financial assistance, partly because they can't afford to help
- Parent-child relationships were strained - parents had limited knowledge with which to help children
- Had faith that the university would help
- Outcomes -
- Lack academic and social guidance, multiple majors, low grades, social isolation from peers, serious financial struggles before and after school, risk of drop-out, heavy student debt
- No burden on parents, though parents felt the university had failed them
- Quality of parent-child relationship seems to be key
- College students are generally more successful at finishing when parents assist financially
- Parenting styles are not the same during emerging adulthood
- Parents are confused and they don't know how to parent children when they're in emerging adulthood - different types of parenting emerge at this point because they don't really know what to do to parent their children
- Children with parents who paid for everything were engaging in risk behavior
- Children with parents who paid for nothing felt the most like adults but struggled
- Children do the best when parents can pay for somethings and they pay for the rest
- The Career-Building Experience (17%)
- College is when economic life opportunities are forged and specialized skills are achieved with the end goal of economic success
- The Social Experience (24%)
- College is an enjoyable social experience and youth should be allowed this fun and freedom before the onslaught of adult responsibility
- A time to hone traits that will help women marry well
- The Mobility Experience (14%)
- Higher education improves the living conditions of future generations
- Emphasis placed on women's need to be self-sufficient
- The Adult Experience (14%)
- College is the start of adulthood
- Not everyone has the luxury of offering support during this time period
- The Hybrid Experience (29%)
- College is both for upward mobility and personal development, and is a place where autonomy and independence are fostered through learning from mistakes
- Professional Helicopters
- Help their children in all financial and social connections that expect some kind of return from their children
- Fathers are not very welcomed in the parenting - primarily mothers who are parenting this way
- Making decisions for their kids based on whether those things would lead to a career
- Goals were for daughters to develop the skills, credentials, and knowledge to lead to career success and economic security
- Discouraged daughters from downgrading career ambitions for a romantic partner
- Mostly working mothers
- Identified children's strengths and set them up to succeed
- Recognized the value of extra curricular activities, but aware of risks of party scene
- Paid for a majority of college expenses, but support was contingent on academic performance. Discouraged working college
- Outcomes -
- Solid academic performance, rigorous majors, low drop-out, smooth transition to career, little reliance on spouse in future, no debt
- Parents felt happy but were committed to long-term financial help, youth remained somewhat dependent on parents
- Pink Helicopters
- Focused a lot on socializing - college is a social experience - join a sorority and have that type of experience
- Hoped to facilitate the best years of their daughters' lives, invested in social activities, consumption, and sorority status to increase the likelihood of marriage to a wealthy man
- Mostly mothers who were homemakers
- Made doctor/dentist appts, gave wake-up calls, did laundry
- Relatively unconcerned with how children were doing in the classroom, unless it was a serious issue
- Paid for a majority of college expenses, had a hard time setting limits on spending
- Promoted long-term dependency on parents, both economically, and psychologically
- Outcomes -
- Low grades, weaker majors, lack of motivation/ambition, parental assistance needed for job hunting, long-term financial support after college necessary
- Parents felt drained emotionally and financially, and inexplicably felt surprised by the fact that their daughters didn't do well
- Paramedics
- Stuck around on the side until there was an emergency
- Fathers and mothers were parenting equally
- Scaffolding
- Helped pay for some of college and children worked to help support themselves
- Emphasized independence under low risk conditions, a trial run at adulthood with a safety net
- Proactively sowed the seeds for career and marital trajectories before college
- Involved children in finding solutions to problems
- All daughters had summer jobs and part-time jobs during the school year - not necessarily because parents couldn't help
- Intervene when children can't handle problems on their own
- Paramedic fathers were more involved than helicopter father
- Outcomes -
- Solid academic performance, rigorous majors, bold career moves, independence across a wide array of areas, reduced financial burden to parents
- Parents were happy but there was a higher risk for drop-out and debt was accrued by daughters. Bold career moves didn't always pay off.
- Supportive Bystanders
- Child's biggest fan, but they didn't always have the knowhow or finances to be able to help their child
- Didn't have a lot to give but everything that they had they gave to their children
- Most bystanders were their daughter's biggest fans and made emotional and financial investments when they could
- Windfall child-rearing - not knowing when they would have money again, parents may provide bursts of funds for unnecessary extras
- Assume that the university would help provide for financial needs
- Emphasize economic stability
- Avoided financial struggles for child, had emotional support, more likely to finish school than total bystander
- Outcomes -
- Lack academic and social guidance, more likely to change majors, low grades, immersion in party scene, increased time to graduate
- Parents were disappointed that the school system didn't help their child
- Total Bystander
- Children didn't feel like they could ask for help from their parents
- Relationship was not healthy at all between children and parents in this group
- The parents weren't involved at all in the lives of their children when they were at college
- A lot of the children were working in order to support themselves and also to support their families
- Daughter is seen as self-sufficient
- Parents are emotionally detached and provide no financial assistance, partly because they can't afford to help
- Parent-child relationships were strained - parents had limited knowledge with which to help children
- Had faith that the university would help
- Outcomes -
- Lack academic and social guidance, multiple majors, low grades, social isolation from peers, serious financial struggles before and after school, risk of drop-out, heavy student debt
- No burden on parents, though parents felt the university had failed them
Concerns
- Improving university resources
- Market-based solutions - disseminate clear and complete information about the real costs and benefits of attending different institutions (consumer reports)
- Status-based solutions - provide incentives to create criteria for the best schools that invest heavily in low-income families
- Socialist solutions - move toward providing low-cost or free university education
- Helicopter Parenting
- Over-involvement in child's life including solving problems for children and intervening in disputes
- Not as common as media suggests
- Varies greatly by family income
- Not as negative as behavioral control
- Less negative in the presence of parental warmth
- Seems to interfere with transition to adulthood, but might be necessary to succeed
- Solutions
- Foster autonomy in your children from a young age in order to allow them to have the skills to make decisions for themselves when they get older
- Take a step back and allow your children to fail (even though it is hard)
- Parent-Child Relationship during emerging adulthood
- It is possible to maintain a good, close relationship but it depends on how the relationship was before as a child and teenager
- Relationship changes to one of advice and guidance rather than decision-making on the part of the parent
References: All material for this post were taken from in-class lectures and the book Parenting to a Degree
(Hamilton, L. T. (2016). Parenting to a degree: how family matters for college womens success. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press.)
(L. Walker, Parenting and Emerging Adults lecture, SFL 240, Fall 2019)
- Market-based solutions - disseminate clear and complete information about the real costs and benefits of attending different institutions (consumer reports)
- Status-based solutions - provide incentives to create criteria for the best schools that invest heavily in low-income families
- Socialist solutions - move toward providing low-cost or free university education
- Over-involvement in child's life including solving problems for children and intervening in disputes
- Not as common as media suggests
- Varies greatly by family income
- Not as negative as behavioral control
- Less negative in the presence of parental warmth
- Seems to interfere with transition to adulthood, but might be necessary to succeed
- Solutions
- Foster autonomy in your children from a young age in order to allow them to have the skills to make decisions for themselves when they get older
- Take a step back and allow your children to fail (even though it is hard)
- It is possible to maintain a good, close relationship but it depends on how the relationship was before as a child and teenager
- Relationship changes to one of advice and guidance rather than decision-making on the part of the parent
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