Parenting and Cognitive Development

Brain Development Background 

• Children's Brains Don't Work The Same As Ours 


• Egocentrism - inability to see from another's point of view 
• Children are not inherently selfish, they seem that way because they will bring you their favorite thing instead of your favorite thing because they think it will bring you the same happiness it brings them. 
• Centration - attention to one element of a situation 
• Children cannot see the whole picture 
• Theory of Mind - ability to understand that other people's thoughts and ways of thinking are different from their own 
• Children think they you are thinking the same thing that they are thinking and thus will not often clarify what they say 
• The first three years are critical for brain development 
• Quality of relationships is most essential for making brain connections, learning, and bonding 
• (In-class lecture, Padilla-Walker, 2019) 

Left/Right vs Upstairs/Downstairs Brain 




• Left Brain - logical, analytical, scientific 
• Right Brain - emotional, artistic, creativity 
• Upstairs Brain - making decisions, thinking, body control, play, empathy, logic, reasoning 
• Downstairs Brain - breathing, fight or flight response 

(L. Walker, Parenting and Cognitive Development lecture, SFL 240, Fall 2019) 

Take Home Points

• Connect and Redirect 
• If your child is having a right-brained reaction, don't respond with a left-brained solution: 
• If they are being emotional you need to react with emotion and be empathetic 
• If your child is being sad just stop and hug them, don't jump in immediately and try to fix the problem 
• Engage, don't Enrage 
• Help child engage their upstairs brain by giving them choices and helping them make decisions where appropriate 
• Provide choices, don't just swoop in and fix the problem 
• Help promote self-understanding (if they aren't sharing a toy ask them how they would feel if someone wasn't sharing and help them come up with a solution) 
• Help promote empathy through using other oriented induction 
• Move it or Lose it 
• Move the body to help avoid losing the mind
• When a child starts to feel overwhelmed or starts to lose control of their emotion have them do some kind of exercise or move their body. This will engage a different part of the brain and help them focus better.
• HALT  
• Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired 
• If a child is acting out or being naughty we need to take a step back and ask ourselves or them if they are acting this way because they are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. If they are then address that problem first. 
• Name it to Tame it 
• Allow children to talk through difficult or traumatic things that happen to them instead of just sweeping those things under the metaphorical rug 
• This will allow that memory to become explicit and thus able to be worked through instead of implicit where it is much more difficult to be retrieved and worked through. 
• Do not dismiss your child's emotions 
• Remote of the Mind 
• Have a physical or metaphorical remote to fast-forward through parts of memories that are particularly scary or traumatizing for a child. 
• This also helps them make the memory explicit where it can be dealt with and doesn't hang around instead 
• Remember to Remember 
• Help your child to remember various activities that happened throughout the day and discuss their experiences 
• Ask specific questions 
• "What were your favorite and least favorite parts of the day today?" 
• Give me a high point, low point, and one act of kindness 
• Make it a game - give me two things that did happen and one thing that didn't (most effective with littler kids) 
• Encourage children to journal 
• Power of Focused Attention 
• Wheel of the Mind - make a wheel with one being the worst possible situation of what could happen and the others spokes being the best thing that could happen and then other things that are more neutral 
• Help the child focus on these other things that could happen in order to help them not feel as nervous about the situation 
• Children often confuse "feel" with "am" - help them understand the difference between what is permanent and what is temporary 

(Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2016). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. Vancouver, B.C.: Langara College.)

Concerns 

1. Child throwing a tantrum:  
• Solutions: 


•  Follow the Move it or Lose it strategy 
• If child does not want to go to bed or put on pajamas, run around for a second with them when they are having a meltdown to help them focus their mind and get through the emotional reaction. 
2. Explosive emotional parental reaction to a child's behavior:
• Solutions: 
• HALT - take a moment to think whether your reaction or your child's behavior is happening because either one of you is hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. 
• After taking stock of the situation use the moment to calm your emotions and be able to talk to your child in a calmer manner. 
3. Child goes through an emotionally traumatic experience 
• Solutions: 
•  Do not let the memory become an implicit memory that cannot be reached. 
• Follow the Name it to Tame it method of helping the child talk about the experience or emotion in order to make it explicit and thus about to be worked through. 
• Alternatively use the Remote of the Mind in order to help the child not dwell too much on the scariest parts of their experience but also helping make that memory explicit so they are able to perhaps talk about or work through the memory later.