My Parenting Philosophy

What are my parenting goals? 


Be an authoritative parent  

    • High demand, high response 
    • This allows me to show my children that I have expectations for them, but to also show a high amount of love 
    • Effects: 
      • Childhood - happy, high self-esteem, self-control, cooperative 
      • Adolescence - independent, self-assured, socially skilled 
    • Behaviors: 
      • Enforce goals and behaviors using direct language 
        • "Be home by 11:00." 
        • "We do not hit other people." 
      • Listen to my child's and do not dismiss their feelings
        • "I see that you are upset about having to be home at 11:00. Will you tell me why you're upset and we will see if we can come up with a compromise." 
        • "What were your high and low points for the day?" 
      • Allow child to have autonomy in appropriate situations 
        • "It's bedtime so we are going to bed, but do you want to read Goodnight Moon or I Love You to the Moon and Back as a bedtime story?"

Be an emotionally literate parent

    • Emotional literacy - being able to read and understand the emotions of others (Kindlon, D. P. D. (1999). Raising Cain. New York: Ballantine Books.) 
    • If I am emotionally literate, I teach my children to be emotionally literate 
    • Emotional literacy is important to the development of a child's moral system (Borba, M. (2017). Unselfie: why empathetic kids succeed in our all-about-me world. New York, NY: Touchstone.). 
    • Behaviors: 
      • Set aside time everyday to unplug to allow my children time away from technology in order to socialize and practice reading emotions (Borba, M. (2017). Unselfie...)
        • Have a time everyday where my children are not on any kind of electronic where we play a game together or have a meal together that puts us face-to-face and allows them to practice reading emotion and socialize with me or another member of the family. 
      • Do not dismiss my child's feelings 
        • If a child comes to me crying I do not immediately insist they are fine and move one. 
        • "Did falling down make you feel sad? That makes me feel sad sometimes too. Let me kiss it better and you can go back outside to play." 
      • Name emotions for my children (Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (1980). How to talk so kids will listen: group workshop kit workbook. New York: Negotiation Institute.) 
        • If my child is angry about a friend getting a toy that they wanted: 
        • "Are you angry that they got the toy or maybe you are a little jealous that they have one and sad that you don't have one." 
        • Give them a better vocabulary for their emotions so they know how to better regulate them. 

Be proactive in parenting

    • Proactive parenting - parenting in anticipation of what the child will do 
    • Behaviors 
      • Cocooning - 
        • Telling your child they cannot hang out with a certain person because that person is a bad influence on them 
        • **Most effective when partnered with pre-arming 
      • Pre-Arming -
        • Before going to a store: "We're going to go to the store now and we cannot get any candy while we are there" 
        • Help the child be prepared for the "no" before they get to the store and ask 
      • Deference - 
        • After cocooning my child and helping to pre-arm them I allow them to make their own decisions. 
        • They ask if they can go to an amusement park on Sunday with some friends and you allow them to make their own decision about whether or not they will go. 
      • (Walker, L., In-class lecture, SFL 240, Fall 2019) 

Challenges 

  1. Temperament 
    • I am very stubborn so it might be difficult for me to be patient and listen to my children's point of view if we are in an argument. I oftentimes will just want to be right and get the argument over with as fast as possible. 
    • Solutions 
      • I will need to be very mindful of my own emotions. If I feel myself getting frustrated and angry I'll need to take a deep breath and be sure I do not let my emotions get the best of me. 
      • I might also need to do a bit of pre-arming with this. If I know that I am likely to get angry and become stubborn I need to be sure that I recognize that beforehand so that my emotions trigger that self-awareness. 
  2. Emotional Literacy  
    • Just as a person in general I am terrible about sharing my emotions with other people which will be difficult to instigate that kind of relationship with my children if I cannot do it myself. 
    • Solutions 
      • I need to start practicing naming my own emotions and sharing them with other people now so that when I have children I will be more comfortable about talking with them about their emotions and challenges. 

Comments

Post a Comment